Last time, we talked about the power of pausing before responding. But what comes next?
You already know you can say no. You've probably even told yourself you would do it more often.
But when the moment actually comes, something shifts. Suddenly you're mid-sentence, offering an explanation that’s not necessary, listing reasons why you can't, and apologizing for having a limit in the first place.
Over-explaining a no is rarely about the other person. It's usually about you trying to manage your own discomfort. Somewhere along the way, you convinced yourself you can only say no if you have a “good enough” reason.The truth is, you do not need a long explanation. A clear and kind response is enough.
Setting the boundary
Setting boundaries and learning how to say no is actually something I created a dedicated space for in the Positive Practices journals, because it deserves more than a quick tip.
For now, here’s a few gentle ways to express your no:
“This weekend I’ll be resting, so I won’t be able to make it.”
“Thank you for thinking of me, but that doesn’t work for me.”
"I'll have to pass on this one."
"That's not something I can take on right now, but I appreciate you thinking of me."
"I won’t be available, but I appreciate the invite."
These statements are clear, kind, and they don't leave room for negotiation. You owe yourself a response that feels honest.
A note worth adding: context and relationship matter. The people closest to you like your spouse, a close friend, or a family member may deserve a little more than a two-word response, and that's okay. The difference is that you're offering that context because you want to, not because you feel like you need to earn permission for your no. You still don't owe an apology. You're simply letting someone who knows you see you a little more clearly.
The boundary scripts above are especially useful for colleagues, acquaintances, or anyone you feel pressured to justify yourself to. Know your audience, and trust yourself to know the difference.
Gentle Reflection:
Who in your life makes you feel like your "no" needs to be justified to be valid? Is that expectation coming from them, or from a story you've been telling yourself?
Do you notice yourself attaching "I'm sorry" to your boundaries, even with people you trust and love? What would it feel like to remove the apology and just offer the truth?
Take care of you, love. You are your first priority.
With warmth, Michaela Praylor
Founder, Lotus Counseling & Wellness
Author, Positive Practices Journal Series
Looking to go a little deeper and learn more about boundaries? The Positive Practices journals are available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, whenever you’re ready.